Justice Neal Gorsuch Dead At 62

Niel McMichaels Gorsuch, recently confirmed to the Supreme Court after being appointed by Donald Trump, is dead at a very young 62-years-old. Gorsuch, whose flaws went out the window when he gazed lovingly at his wife during Senate hearings, was a shoe-in to sit on the bench for at least 20 years.

According to family doctor Miranda Skinley, Gorsuch was in “great health” and was at zero risk of sudden death from any typical source. She’s led to believe by doctors at Bethesda that this was something that wasn’t on the typical lists of ailments:

“Justice Gorsuch likely suffered a pulmonary embolism or a maturated systemic gaustilism of the Marchustey valve. Unless he was undergoing MRIs daily, there would have been no way to catch this.”

Gorsuch leaves behind his wife, Bethany Palmer Gorsuch, and three children, Hunter, Lenon, and Aristook. We’re sending our thoughts and prayers there right now if you’d care to join.

God Bless you, Justice Gorsuch, and thank you for your service.

About Flagg Eagleton 8 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.