Biblical Scholars Have Pinpointed Where And When Jesus Will Return

Biblical scholars from 10 different Churches of Christ have been working for nearly 1100 years to decipher a scroll left in the tomb of Christ by John the Baptist before he was beheaded. The scroll, known as “John’s Redemption,” is one of Christianity’s closest guarded secrets and least talked about legends.

As the story goes, God came to John when King Herod obliged his wife and demanded John’s head on a silver platter. He told John that while he would die a martyr in the age of the rebirth of love, he still needed him to perform one last task. He was to find the tomb the Jews would choose for their fallen king and leave a scroll there for his church to find.

The scroll is a series of numbers and words from languages and religions spanning the globe, some of which didn’t even exist 2000 years ago. As scholars learn more about obscure religions, they are able to fit another piece of the puzzle. It’s almost as if learning about each other was the purpose all along.

1100 years and 428 brilliant minds later and they have come up with an answer to what appears to be an extremely difficult mathematical equation:

05/06/2018 001.00.8914

They have determined that the Messiah will return to earth on May 6th, 2018 somewhere in an apartment complex in Atlanta. According to Father Martin Mulvaney, representing the Catholic Church in the endeavor:

“Christ will rise again from a poor neighborhood in Atlanta, Georgia. He shall be born pure and innocent. He will reject the life of crime and teach peace and love to those who would prefer violence. Glory be to God, for He shall ressurect His Son to save humanity once again.”

The second coming of Christ will be glorious. Scholars are already sending an advance team to scout out potential mothers. Since Atlanta’s inner cities are mostly black, they hope it will be easy to find the white woman God might choose to bear his son so they can care for her throughout the pregnancy and help mentor the child.

Such glorious news. Such a glorious year that’s upon us. Praise Him. Praise be to Him.

About Flagg Eagleton 5 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.